If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
