I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
