I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
