I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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