fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
