We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize