so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
