He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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