It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
