My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
