I'm sorry my penis didn't work
too bad you live with your parents still
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
