everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They are going to name an STD after you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
