I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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