I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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