Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
