Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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