i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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