can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
