I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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