i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
