I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
