apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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