You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
