I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize