I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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