i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
