this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
