I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
