he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
