meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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