this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
