one two three fourrrrnication!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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