I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my being single is dangerous.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize