Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
