The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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