Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
