how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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