If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize