He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
