I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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