Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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