The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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