I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
