Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
