did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
