You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
