I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
