So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
