HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
