i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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