Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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