you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is Oprah even human
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
