you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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