You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There's always time for handjobs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need to align my fucking chakras
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
