Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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