drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
