Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
