I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I believe in your delicious
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
