I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The Olympian is in my bed
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
