Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
