I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
