I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize