so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
