I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
