dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
