I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize