I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
