Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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