you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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