my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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