Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
